


Take My Tears And That's Not Nearly All

by orphan_account



Series: Agents Of Cracked Fanfictions [2]
Category: Agents of Cracked
Genre: Blood and Gore, Derogatory Language, Despite All The Bad Stuff There Is Fluff, Explicit Language, I promise, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kidnapping, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Stalking, Torture, and nice things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2016-05-06
Packaged: 2018-06-06 10:41:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6750652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daniel O'Brien thinks he loves Mandy Manderson. Michael Swaim thinks he loves Daniel O'Brien. Thelonius Bone KNOWS he loves Daniel O'Brien. This situation causes more than one problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sometimes I Feel I've Got To

     Daniel O'Brien stared adoringly at Mandy Manderson. He was in complete, utter love. Thelonius Bone was also staring at Mandy Manderson, but with a different kind of face. With a hateful face, all screwed up, teeth clenched, eyes narrowed. 

     This was usual around Cracked Offices. With little to no supervision, it was quite easy for the adults to act like children. ESPECIALLY Michael Swaim who was, at the moment, making a gift in an attempt to win Daniel's heart. The gift in question was a shoe box that had been crudely painted with florescent green paint. Popsicle sticks were painted black and glued into holes in the top of the box. Affixed to the sticks were decapitated plastic horse heads. The result was the appearance of a crude grassy plane filled with cut off horse heads on spears. Not exactly appealing. Michael was working quickly, trying to finish before Daniel came over to his desk to check up on him. After attaching one more Horse-head-spear-thing, Michael leans back, smiling. He pauses for a moment before frantically opening one of the drawers in his desk and shoving the artwork inside. He then looks over to Daniel's desk, waiting for him to leave to go to the bathroom or... anything, really.

     " _Should I create a diversion?"_ , Michael thinks, grinning to himself as he stares at Daniel staring at Mandy.

_"Yes, I definitely should."_

     What Michael was not aware of was that a diversion would trigger a series of events that- ...Well, ...I suppose you will find out. But not yet. Later. In the meantime, Thelonius Bone was gritting his teeth. He glared at Mandy with a dark intensity, before dragging his eyes back to his work. He needed to write a list detailing the worst kinds of people (concerning habits in public or at work), but had only managed to write an essay seasoned with death threats and mentions of a certain 'Mandy Manderson'. T Bone, knowing he couldn't post the essay and pass it off as legal, deletes it, clenching his teeth. As the last few words are removed from the page, he clenches his left hand, completely enraged. Finally, he... hah...  ** _cracks_** , and gets up from his desk, breathing heavily.

      _"ITS FINE, THERE IS VIOLENCE HERE EVERY DAY, WHO WOULD EVEN CARE IF I JUST-... Daniel would care..."_ Thelonius sighs, sitting back down. If he hurt Mandy right now, Daniel would never... ... ... ... He decides to wait. He would somehow distract Daniel and get him to leave to office for a few minutes, then lure Mandy away to knock her out in a camera-less room and kidnap her. Then Daniel would never know, and Mandy would be all his to hurt in every way. 

     Daniel O'Brien had been chewing on the bottom of one of his pens while starring at Mandy. He had now successfully chewed through the bottom, causing ink to pour out. Noticing this, he jumps up, eyes wide, to wash his hands and shirt off and throw away the pen. He proceeds to leave the room, leaving a few yelped "Dammit-!!"s behind. Noticing he was gone from the room, both Michael and Thelonius jump up. Michael practically rips his desk drawer out of his desk in an attempt to get the present out as quickly as possible. Thelonius, on the other hand, had gone for a more casual approach, nearing Mandy's desk and telling her it was urgent that she... come look at something. Mandy, not being the most intelligent, (somewhat lazily) sprints after Thelonius as he runs out of the main office subsequent to him asking her to follow him. Michael had, by this time, reached Dan's desk, and was now arranging the odd tribute in what he believed was the most fitting position. After achieving this, he returns to his desk, smirking to himself, waiting excitedly for Dan's return. 

     Thelonius smiled down at Mandy's unconscious form, before shoving her into a large supply box and using packing tape to tape it shut. It was near the end of the day, so Thelonius was sure she wouldn't wake up. He could come back to this supply closet, get the box, and leave with no one the wiser. Even  _if_ anyone (The Chief or Sarge) became aware of it (Mandy), they wouldn't think anything of it. This kind of thing happens too often at Cracked Offices. Too often.

     Daniel O'Brien had returned from the ink incident that had caught him off guard and would have just sat down and continued working if it weren't for the...  _horse head effigy? ..._ that was taking up space on his desk. After freezing for a few seconds, Daniel manages to gasp out a confused "What the  _fuck!?_ _"_ , before Michael (who had somehow managed to sneak around to the other side of Dan's desk wall) jumped up and over the short half-wall in order to embrace Daniel in a tight hug. Poor planning and calculations caused the two of them to end up on the floor with Michael on top of a bewildered (and now quite flustered) Daniel O'Brien. 

     "M-Michael-!! Get off of me!" 

     "Hmmm... No! You didn't like my gift! I made it for y-"

     "YOU made that thing!? ...Well, I'm not surprised... J-Just get! Off!  _We are in the middle of the office-! People are staring, Michael-!"_

     "Fiiiine, but only because you asked, darlin'!" Michael got off of Dan and pulled a cherry lollipop out of nowhere. He proceeded to unwrap it (balling up the wrapper and throwing it as far as he could across the office) before sticking it in his mouth and moving it to the side, the white stick sticking out like how one would imagine it would for 'cool' kids in middle school movies. Daniel almost protested, but though better of it, and moved back to the original topic as he got up and brushed himself off. 

     "Alrighty... Michael?"

     "Mhm~?" Michael sucked on the lollipop loudly, causing Daniel to visibly wince.

     "...What the  _hell_ is this!?" Daniel motioned with his hands to the horse head monument. Michael brightened, taking the lollipop out of his mouth with his left hand to better be able to converse.

     "Oh-! That is the gift I made for you! I was getting bored and didn't want to do my work, so I figured,  _insteaaaad_ , I'd make this present for you! D'ya like it?" Daniel looked up at the expectant Michael and managed to smile at Michael's overenthusiastic face.  

     "...I love it, Michael." Michael smirked, rolling his eyes as he put the lollipop back into his own mouth. He spoke, but it was slightly odd sounding due to the aforementioned lollipop.

     "You're making such a big deal over it, Dan. Its just a gift. I  _know_ you come from the East Coast where you only get presents every blue corn moon, but over here we do this kind of thing ALL the time. I mean, whatever." Michael again rolled his eyes and strolled back to his desk to 'work'. Dan smiled to himself, putting the gift into one of his desk drawers before getting back to his own work. 

* * *

In a random supply closet, a box awaited for only a few more minutes before being retrieved by a certain Thelonius Bone and placed not-so-delicately into the trunk of his car. It was going to be a long night for Mandy Manderson.


	2. Run away, I've got to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, thanks much to my good friend for ideas for this chapter! You've helped a ton!  
> Also, yes, the chapter titles /are/ a reference to Tainted Love. Anyways, I already have the tags, but just... trigger warning, there is quite a bit of violence and derogatory/harsh/shaming words in this chapter. Enjoy~!

 

 

* * *

     "So,  _slut,_  could you pretty FUCKING please tell me why you thought it was somehow acceptable to lure Daniel into your  _slimy little fucking claws_ _?"_ , Thelonius spat, his right hand comfortably curled around Mandy Manderson's throat. Mandy had been, after being taken how by Thelonius, tied to a chair in his windowless guest bedroom. Mandy was sobbing and screaming. Thelonius kicked her in the shin, causing a loud crack to pierce both of their eardrums. Mandy was sobbing and screaming.

     "I ASKED YOU A FUCKING QUESTION, YOU DIRTY WHORE. ANSWER MY QUESTION, BITCH." His grip around her throat tightens dramatically.

     "TELL ME WHAT THE ACTUAL _FUCK_ MADE YOU THINK IT WAS ACCEPTABLE TO PULL AWAY  _MY DANIEL. MY DANIEL." _Mandy coughed, her breathing partially cut off as her sobs became hoarse and choppy. She choked up noises of confusion, her eyes clearly showing her innocence. The truth of the matter was that Mandy was not even aware of Daniel's existence, so there was no way she could have ever known of Daniel's feelings for her. They both knew this, and Thelonius clenched his hand as tightly as possible, cracking a few bones in Mandy's neck, before letting go and stepping back. He knew she was in a large amount of pain and wouldn't be able to answer him. He knew she was bleeding internally and was going to die soon. Thelonius knew a lot of things. Including the knowledge that, in the long run, this could only ever  _hurt_ his campaign to win Daniel's heart. Thelonius decided he was not going to think about that, and opted to instead start punching and kicking Mandy as hard as he could in the face and stomach just to see if he could make her black out completely before she died altogether.  

* * *

 

     Daniel O'Brien was sitting at his kitchen table with his laptop, putting the finishing touches on an article that had been interrupted by a certain pen. It wasn't that late as his shift ended at 5:30. When there was a knock on his door, Daniel jumped up with a confused face. He didn't think anyone was coming over, so... It had to be Michael. He opened the door, and...

     "DAMMIT, DAN, THE DAIRY QUEEN IS CLOSED FOR MAINTENANCE I CAN'T SURVIVE NOW." 

     Yep. Michael.

     "O-Okay, jeez, calm down for just a second there, you're making me nervous, just-"

     "DANIEL I NEED ASSISTANCE WITH THE ICE CREAM DILEMMA AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE THIS IS URGENT."

     "Um okay um... I think... I have ice cream... in my f-freezer...?" Daniel stared wide eyed at Michael's growing smile, before squeaking as Michael hugged him with a... whole lot of force, causing Daniel to squirm.

     "THANK YOU DAN I LOVE YOU." Michael let go of Dan, sprinted over to the freezer, flung open the door, pulled out a carton of chocolate ice cream, and ate it ravenously using... his hands? Dan attempted to, after sitting back down, just go on with his work and leave Michael to his ice cream antics, but was still hung on the fact that Michael had said he loved him. Love was... intense. 

      _"He means it as in... friendship. Its perfectly fine for two male friends to... love... each other. ...God, it sounds bad when I think it like that... I mean... DO I lo... ...love... Michael? I mean... I like how Mandy LOOKS, but with Michael... I probably would think life was too boring if he wasn't here... Mayb-"_ Daniel was interrupted from his thoughts when he felt a hand on his arm pulling him out of his chair. Michael was no longer eating ice cream, but Daniel managed to observe a bit on his hands and some smudged on his face. Daniel next observed that Michael was staring at him oddly. He could see every detail of Michael's face. But that meant their faces were abnormally close. Before Daniel could react or pull away, the space in between their lips vanished. Daniel backed up out of reflex, but Michael's right arm around his waist caught him and he stopped falling away, and started falling... _for Michael._

      _"He tastes like chocolate..."_

Daniel felt Michael's left hand on the back of his head and knew. He knew their faces were probably messy. He knew there was probably chocolate on his shirt and in his hair. He knew it was probably a disaster. 

     But none of that mattered, because Daniel O'Brien knew that he _definitely_ didn't care. It was perfect and sweet and messy just like chocolate ice cream. 

     Perfect and sweet and messy just like Michael Swaim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter, by the way. I hope you liked it!


	3. Get Away From The Pain You Drive Into The Heart of Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my friend (Kanadalainen Vaahterasiirappia) for helping me figure out ideas for this story!  
> This isn't a REAL real chapter, more of just a little update. I'll probably update with a longer chapter this afternoon.

* * *

     As Daniel O'Brien laid in his bed, he tried to decide where the sharp turn in the attitude of the evening was. Was it when Michael finally dragged him into the bedroom? When he pinned him down to the bed? No, in Daniel's mind, he knew that it had turned long before they acted on it. 

      _"It could have been when he purposefully stopped to watch a movie... Or when he cuddled with me during it..._

 _No. I can see it now. It was the first kiss. He turned the mood when he bit my ear. ...God, I'm embarrassing..."_ , thought Daniel, feeling almost angry at himself for not picking up on the clues sooner. Then at least he would have been prepared. Daniel O'Brien would rather  _always_ be prepared for absolutely any and every thing. 

     Michael Swaim, on the other hand, was awake pretending to sleep. He was pretending to sleep because his arms were wrapped around Daniel and everything was perfect and he never wanted to move or change anything about this moment. ...Well, perhaps he would add candy or anything that would mentally trigger his sweet tooth to the scene, but it was  _otherwise_ perfect. Michael was having an odd moment of sanity, but it abruptly ended as he leaned his mouth down to Daniel's ear and whispered.

     " _Hey Dan, I'm so fucking glad that my 'horse effigy' worked._ " 

     Daniel O'Brien attempted to stay cool and collected, but ends up smiling, then laughing brightly, feeling warm as Michael kisses his neck.

     "Heh... Me too, Michael. Me too."


	4. The love we share

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, first things first. Sorry for the late update, with mother's day and work, it was busy. Anyways, I think I might go in a bit of a pattern. Every three chapters I will do a short fluffy (or, as the story progresses, maybe even smuttier!) chapter, then all the others will be plot progression and such. Also, I'm adding more characters in this one so... I hope you like it!

     Daniel O'Brien was sitting at his computer, finishing up a list that surely entailed great comedic feats, when the office intercom clicked on and The Chief began speaking.

     "I am calling a meeting at this point in time. If you choose not to comply, you will be terminated from both the office, and your life." The intercom clicked off, and Daniel begrudgingly got up from his position at his desk to attend the meeting. Randomly, out of seemingly nowhere, Michael Swaim appeared to inform Daniel he was eating popcorn with, _not words_ , but, instead, just the very audible sound of his chewing of said popcorn.

     "M-Michael! Hey! I, ah, haven't seen you since last-... Since yesterday! Uhm, how a-..." Daniel trailed off, realizing that any conversation taking place while Michael was eating would end fruitlessly, but he didn't mind, as he had more pressing things to worry about. One of which was that, immediately following him trailing off and arriving at the meeting room, The Chief announced that the whole office had to complete a project that, if not done correctly, would endanger Cracked.com's existence. 

     "All right, mindless employees. I, being your superior, cannot help you with this minor task. Just deal with it and do it. The task is simple; all of you must, at exactly one o'clock, post a list entailing your deepest feelings about the idea of ice cream made with jellyfish protein 'and or' a machine that produces edible mist. I have been told by the fabled overseas ice cream company 'Lick Me I'm Delicious' that, should we fail to complete this task, they will terminate Cracked Offices, **permanently**." All of the employees proceeded to black out and regain consciousness at their desks. No one found anything odd with this event.

     Daniel O'Brien knew it was his duty to serve the company, so he immediately got to work. However, suspicion had crept it's way into his mind, and he found himself unable to work. His mind had trailed to the thought of _Michael's_  report on the two ideas. He couldn't let Michael say anything negative as it might ruin the whole company! Daniel moved from his own work space to walk over to Michael's. Michael appeared to be writing a thirty page thesis on the topic. Daniel was stunned. 

     "Is this one of your 'sane' moments, Mike?" Michael grinned, eyes sparkling.

     "Dan, you just can't comprehend my true intellect!" Michael proceeded to type the sentence 'And so thats good thanks for listening lol its cool haha yeah fuck this job i need some heroine asap lol yolo'. 

     "...Michael."

     "Yes, sweetie~?"

     "...I-... Okay, ONE-" Michael groaned, knowing Dan was about to explain something.

     "I was SAYING, One, that ending is going to get you  _fired_ , so PLEASE change it or else I'm going to have to help you with it. Two, ... 'Sweetie'?" Daniel quieted his voice considerably. 

     "I m-mean, for god's sake, we're in the _office_ _!"_ , Dan said, face reddening noticeably as Michael raised his eyebrow, smirking.

     "YOU'RE the one that called ME 'Mike'!" Daniel opened his mouth to protest, but closed it, his face reddening further as Michael's eyes moved from Dan's eyes to Dan's barely open mouth. Michael licked his own lips, his eyes still sparkling, before Dan dragged his attention back to the computer with a tired sigh.

     "Fiiine, I'll change it, but only because _you_ asked." Daniel continued blushing, but said nothing more as Michael erased the line and replaced it with a more formal closing. Daniel, satisfied, walked back over to his own desk and wrote more of his opinion on the ice cream and edible mist. 

     Daniel O'Brien had been typing for hours and, frankly, his fingers were tired. Normally he took breaks. He hadn't taken a break. Finally, all his hard work paid off, and he posted his review at exactly one o'clock, before racing over to Michael's desk and posting his. Daniel smiled, before freezing. He was GOING to just have Michael post it, but, as he wasn't there, he had had to post it himself. Michael wasn't there. 

      _"Where in the hell is he!?"_ , Daniel thought, instantly going into a state of panic, thinking that Michael had managed to get himself into danger.

* * *

      Michael Swaim had decided to take a break as he had finished very early. He had left the main office to go to the break room and make coffee. As he was pouring the Vodka into the glass of chocolate milk he had just finished pouring, he realized Thelonius Bone was in the far corner of the room, leaning against the wall, arms crossed, staring at him. Michael smiled cheerily.

     "Hi there, Daniel!" T Bone visibly cringed.

     "...My name is Thelonius Bone." Michael frowned. 

     "Does that mean... What?" Thelonius sighed at Michael's apparent stupidity. He knew Michael was Daniel's partner, so surely he knew whether or not Daniel also liked men. The only thing Thelonius knew he needed to figure out was how to phrase the question without coming off as interested due to Michael's bluntly protective nature. 

     "Mike. Uh... Michael. You know Dan. I have a question concerning him." Michael, already bored, sipped his coffee loudly.

     "Go ahead, Daniel."

     "My name isn't-... ... ...Fine. Is Dan interested in men?" Michael spit his coffee out all over the break room floor just as Dan himself ran in while looking for Michael. Dan immediately flinched. He opened his mouth to chastise Michael for leaving without telling him, but was interrupted by Michael himself who was responding to T Bone's question.

     "WHAT!? NEVER! THAT IS  **DISGUSTING!** HOW  _DARE_ YOU EVEN _INSINUATE_ THAT?" Before Dan could ask why Michael was yelling, Michael pinned Dan up against the wall in a kiss during which it was as if Michael had shoved his tongue down Daniel's throat. He eventually pulled away, smirked at Daniel, turned to smirk and Thelonius, and left the break room. A red faced Daniel O'Brien had sunk to the ground before he covered his face with his hands.

     Thelonius tilted his head, his eyes staring at Dan with an odd hunger. He walked over to the curled up and stuck his hand out semi-invitingly. 

     "Daniel." Dan removed one of his hands from his face and, still terribly flushed, took T Bone's free hand and let the other man lift him up. However, Thelonius pulled Dan up into his arms, then hugging him in an odd, slightly inappropriate way. Daniel's face reddened further and he tried to break away, but Thelonius shushed him.

     "Was Michael bothering you? That was very inappropriate of him." Daniel, still trying to pull away, grunted.

     "N-No, just-... T BONE. LET. ME. GO." Thelonius glared at Daniel for a split second, before letting go.

     "Oh, sorry. I apologize. I'm not good at reading social queues." Daniel stared at him suspiciously before leaving the break room without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Update* If everything goes well with brainstorming chapter five, I might be able to get up to chapter NINE today!!


End file.
